my brain spilled on this page today

bemusedlybespectacled:

ALWAYS REBLOG KAT DENNINGS SLAMMING SLUT SHAMING

(via redlinemi)

sometimes I see shit like this and I’m reminded that my life doesn’t even matter because the universe is so beautiful.

(Source: tyutan, via matilda3663)

Who let me go food shopping when I was hungry?!?!!

Who let me go food shopping when I was hungry?!?!!

Things I have said today:

- An orange and cheezits are a totally healthy lunch, right?
- Pretty pretty please with a blow job on top?
- I’m fucking magic, dicklicker. Deal with it.
- Because I’m ridiculous and dramatic and that is way more fun when I can middle name you.
- I’m going to punch you right in the face.
- Currently draining your life force…please hold
- She is such a dick.
- I probably wasn’t self conscious about that at all, thanks for pointing it out, buddy.

So it’s been a productive day.

Life lesson: Always make friends with the IT guys.

Life lesson: Always make friends with the IT guys.

“Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.”
36 Things I Wish I Figured Out Sooner - Whitney Kimball (via jxwolf)

(Source: shessoprettywhenshelies, via kandiasschronicles)

Finally.

Finally.

fuckyeahsexyatheists:

On this day when every public school in the US has the day off but I have to go to class, have some Bruce Willis dying Easter eggs.

Oh my god why am I so excited about this?

(Source: ding-dong-bryan-wong, via matilda3663)

Happy 4/20, bitches.

Happy 4/20, bitches.

kizayfizabe:

vanpocalypse:

…..

Thinking about the beard/bald head combo at some point

I’m a Phillies fan… but I can’t not reblog this for some reason.

(Source: fenways)

jtotheizzoe:

I have a feeling that silk scarves printed with NASA satellite and Hubble images are a thing that some of you might need, in a “shut up and take my money” way.

Check ‘em out at Slow Factory.

Oh god shut up and take my money

(via crazylikearox)

iwanttodie1999:

Well this would explain a lot.


Oh

iwanttodie1999:

Well this would explain a lot.

Oh

(via dieselfire888)